


la douleur exquise

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fail Waltzing, Football Player Louis, Friends to Lovers, Implied Liam Payne/Louis Tomlinson, Implied Niall Horan/OMC, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Pining, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 20:32:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4639200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>His head is spinning slightly when Louis pulls him in with a jolt, forceful yet gentle in his own way. Niall ends up in Louis’ space, so close that the scent of Louis’ cologne tickles at his nose; one of his hands reaches out and settles on Louis’ shoulder to steady himself.</i> </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes pining isn't for nothing: A story about two boys being stupid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	la douleur exquise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Written for the prompt: _“Louis and Niall are best friends and Niall is desperately pining. Louis doesn't seem to notice. Do with it what you will, but make it painful, and give me a happy ending please.”_
> 
> Dear hioops, I was so excited to pinch hit this one, because if there is something I love it's PINING. Mutual pining where they both believe their love is unrequited until they find out it's actually not. Stupid boys in love, basically. I really hope you enjoy this, and that this is just the right amount of painful you were looking for. :)
> 
> A huge bucket of win goes to everyone who helped me during the process of brainstorming and writing this, I love you all!!!!

> la douleur exquise  
>  _(french): the heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone unattainable_

 

The wedding invitation arrives in the mail one day in late May.

The card is just resting loosely in Niall’s hands, twirly navy blue font on cream-coloured paper. _Johannah Darling and Daniel Deakin joyfully invite you to celebrate their wedding._ His eyes skim over the details, the date and time, _dinner and dancing to follow_.

He pins the card to his noticeboard and texts Louis before he goes back to revising: _got t invitation. funny that it’s taken your mum getting remarried to bring us back together !_

 

~

 

On their way to the chapel, Niall fumbles with his phone, looking at the last few messages he and Louis exchanged. Before his flight, Louis had sent him a selfie, thumbs up and sleepy smile, hair rumpled and soft poking out from under the hoodie he’d worn. The text that came with it reads, _about to board my flight, can’t wait to see you!!!!_

Niall’s tummy goes all fluttery at the _can’t wait to see you_ part of the message. Reading it over and over, anticipation grows inside of him, making him all giddy and excited just like when he was a kid and his da would take him to Derby matches or an amusement park and Niall would count down the days and hours.

 

~

 

The wedding ceremony itself is beautiful, held in a little chapel outside of town.

Niall catches glimpses of Louis and his sisters and, as always, he’s surprised by how much they’ve grown since the last time he’d seen them. It knocks the breath out of his chest when Louis looks back at him, meets his eyes in the room full of people. His eyes get crinkly immediately, and his whole face lights up with a smile that is all Louis. Niall’s knees are a bit shaky and he mirrors Louis, smiling back just as bright. After all this time, he’s still head over heels in love with him, no matter how many times he’s tried to get him out of his head or move on. It never works. He’s hopelessly in love with his best friend.

Who has a boyfriend, he reminds himself.

 

~

 

As soon as they arrive at the hotel, there’s a reception where everyone is welcomed with a drink and waiters are milling about and pushing trays into people’s spaces. Niall can’t wait to get a hold of one of those champagne flutes in the hopes of having something to do with his hands. It probably won’t do much to calm his nerves or keep him from thinking about of all the different scenarios of him and Louis seeing each other again, but it’ll give him something to hold on to.

 

~

 

A couple of tear-filled speeches and a seemingly endless meal later, Niall’s on edge. Because Louis is there in the same room with him, has been the whole day, and yet they still haven’t managed to properly _meet_. They’d said hello when Niall walked over to congratulate Jay and Daniel, but Louis had been occupied with a crying baby in his arms and Daisy begging for his attention. It was a little awkward and hushed, but Louis promised to come over to his table later.

Niall’s getting so nervous that in order to keep from biting all of his nails, he’s taking care of Theo. He’s gotten so big, and Niall’s a bit overwhelmed sometimes at how quickly time passes. They’re sitting at the table, Theo in his lap, when he can’t help but overhear Liam’s name drop at the table beside them.

“Oh, Louis. We were all looking forward to meeting your boyfriend. A real pity he’s not here with us.”

“Yeah sorry, he wasn’t able to make it.” Louis says, rubbing at his neck. “But hey, nan, you know what? I brought you that signed jersey from the lads, just like you wanted. It’s in my suitcase, so remind me of it when we get back later.”

Niall can’t help but smile at that, something warm unfurling in his chest. He hadn’t realised how much he was dreading meeting Liam in person, and seeing him with Louis. He returns his attention back to Theo flailing about in his lap and pulls a funny face for him, he’s rewarded with the sweetest, richest giggle he’s ever heard.

 

~

 

The wedding cake was so delicious that Niall couldn’t resist eating two pieces. Which is why now he’s probably on a sugar high and full, slouching comfortably in his seat. Or maybe it’s the fact that he’s on his second — or third, but who’s counting? — glass of champagne, and that always makes him a bit twitchy and woozy.

Looking for Louis in the spacious bright-lit room, he’s growing rather impatient and restless. Niall reaches for his champagne flute once again and drowns the rest of it in one go. When a warm hand settles on his shoulder, someone’s breath hot on his neck, he jumps and almost drops the glass. He chokes on the last sip, coughing as he cranes his neck only to realise it’s Louis who startled him and he’s close — too close for comfort — and he keeps coughing, his throat stinging with an annoying persistence.

“Hey there, Nialler, calm down,” Louis grins, begins to rub and tap his back. “Breathe, mate, breathe.”

He laughs a little once Niall’s got his breathing under control again. “Crap, you scared the livin’ hell out of me. Don’t do that when I’m drinking. Jesus.”

“Happy to see you, too,” is what Louis says. And it’s that simple. He smiles at Niall with earnest eyes and Niall believes him.

He smiles back at Louis, turns in his seat to meet Louis in a hug that feels a bit weird. Their angle is awkward, Niall half-sitting, half-standing up, Louis bending down to meet him halfway.

“It’s been too long, man,” says Louis into the side of Niall’s neck, warm and familiar. Niall’s pulse picks up, and he wonders if it’s the champagne or Louis.

When they pull apart, Louis is still smiling at him as bright as ever and Niall knows it’s not only the alcohol that’s got his blood buzzing beneath his skin, the hair standing up at the nape of his neck.

“Yeah,” he breathes, dumbly. It’s been so long that he doesn’t know what to say all of a sudden. It’s silly because Louis is his best friend, and they were always good at picking up where they left off when they were apart. Two years is longest they’ve ever been away from each other.

Niall knows how Louis looks these days, it’s not like it comes as a surprise or anything. It’s just that he hadn’t stood before him so close in a while, wasn’t able to smell him, or feel him and it’s all too overwhelming.

The stubble looks great on him, makes his face more defined and softens the sharp lines of his jaw, makes Niall’s fingers itch and want to reach out, run the rough pads of his fingers along Louis’ jawline and test if the stubble is as soft as it looks. He clears his throat as if to tear himself out of his own thoughts.

“Didn’t shave for your mum’s wedding?” Niall asks, the words rolling off his tongue as easy as the smile spreading on his face. A wave of relief washes over him when Louis starts to laugh.

Maybe he didn’t admit it to himself, or tried not to overthink it but a tiny bit of him was worried that it would be awkward or weird between them. All of the doubts he carried in his belly, tied up in a knot, fade away. He breathes in deeply, every worry inside of him dissolving when Louis says, “Touché.”

 

~

 

“Come on,” Louis ushers him on, prying Niall’s hand off the table and pulling on it insistently, “We’re dancing.”

Louis’ palm is warm in his, and suddenly Niall’s mouth is very dry in spite of having had too much to drink already.

“What,” he breathes out, doesn’t even put up a protest and lets himself be led to the dance floor. His head is spinning slightly when Louis pulls him in with a jolt, forceful yet gentle in his own way. Niall ends up in Louis’ space, so close that the scent of Louis’ cologne tickles at his nose; one of his hands reaches out and settles on Louis’ shoulder to steady himself.

— _And just like that, it’s like he’s being ripped away from the situation, vivid pictures of a memory flooding his head, of him and Louis standing in the pouring rain._

_The downpour had started when they were on their way home from footie practice, both still in their sports gear, all muddy knees and bloody elbows. They’d found shelter in an alleyway, two steps leading up to a doorway, and they huddled close trying to stay out of the rain even though they were both already soaked through. Louis stood so close that Niall couldn’t help but notice the way his eyelashes stuck together, wet from the rain, and his heart leapt up into his throat. Louis’ wet hair clung to his face, and Niall’s fingers itched to push it back and off of his face. He was so close that he could smell Louis, could smell the rain on him and the grass from the pitch. It kind of made his mouth water a little, because he’d never smelled anything so good before in his life. When Louis looked back at him, he’d felt like he was the center of Louis’ world. His face felt hot all over, Louis’ eyes pinned on him; he felt exposed but not in a bad way. He wanted Louis to see — to see him, and what he felt for Louis. It was like someone put the world on mute, Niall couldn’t hear anything but their breathing and he felt so brave in that moment, so good about Louis looking at him that he pushed up on his tip toes and leaned in slowly. Louis licking his lips was the last thing Niall saw before he closed his eyes, the beat of his heart drumming a wild melody in his chest. He waited for the brush of Louis’ soft mouth against his, but it never came._

_“Hey, do you have a chapstick? My lips are kinda dry.”_

_When he opened his eyes again, Louis was no longer looking at him, halfway turned around and hands rummaging in the pockets of his trackies. Niall felt like a cartoon character then — felt the piano drop on top of him, burying him in the ground. Or maybe that’s what he wished would happen, because anything would be better than being rejected and feeling like this._ —

If his knees are a bit shaky, it’s not because of the closeness of Louis’ body to his own, but because he doesn’t quite remember how to waltz, and he doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of everyone. His nerves are kicking in, pulse frantic under Louis’ thumb, brushing over his wrist ever so lightly while he readjusts their hands to a dancing position.

“You lead, cause I’ve got no bloody clue how this works.”

“Thought you were taking dance lessons for this?” Niall asks, surprise colouring his voice.

Louis rolls his eyes and huffs out a sigh. “Well yeah, to be honest, my schedule was busy as hell so I just didn’t end up going.”

“Dance lessons wouldn’t have helped you anyway, eh? Saved you some money.” He laughs nervously.

“Whatever, Niall. Teach me how to dance.”

He’s out of his depth here, not certain he remembers any of the dance moves he’d learned for his brother’s wedding a few years back. “Well, can’t promise anything but we should probably start moving soon.”

He looks around them to see how the others are dancing, trying to jump-start his memories about waltzing. Niall starts moving, taking Louis with him. They twirl around the dance floor together, uncoordinated and clumsy, but Niall keeps going, keeps leading, and they get better after a while. Accompanied by Louis’ giggles, hot puffs against Niall’s cheek, they’re impossibly close, doing their best not to step on each other’s toes and it’s easy and fun.

“Fake it till you make it, eh,” Niall grins at Louis.

Louis smiles right back at him, “That’s my Nialler.” It makes Niall’s cheeks burn, the way Louis’ eyes roam across his face, so close. A flame of desire flares up inside him, licks up its way along his spine.

It’s dizzying, intoxicating, the way Louis looks at him and Niall has to drag his eyes away, shake his head a little to snap out of it. He’s imagining things that are not there and it’s bad. Really bad. Louis is in a relationship and he doesn’t want Niall that way.

Niall focusses on the dancing steps. _One-two-three. One-two-three._

“Hey, we’re actually not bad at this. We’re quite compatible,” says Louis.

“You think?” _One-two-three._

“Of course! Bet we could pass as boyfriends, even. Everyone in this room who doesn’t know better totally thinks we’re together.”

 _One-two—_ “Ow.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to do that.” Niall says sheepishly, stepping off Louis’ foot and repositioning them. They pick up the dance easy enough.

“I mean it, though.” Louis smiles. “Should have seen the look Lottie gave us just now.”

“I don’t know,” Niall contemplates it. “Probably just wondering why we’re on the dance floor when we can’t actually dance.”

“Fair enough.” Louis laughs, all crinkly eyed and beautiful like Niall remembers, like he has it memorised but it’s overwhelming like this, up close.

That smile makes Niall feel like his legs are going to give out any minute. It doesn’t help that they’re spinning around, one of Louis’ hand firm and warm on Niall’s shoulder, the other one intertwined with his own, sweaty one. He’s hot, tie around his neck suddenly too tight, choking him.

“What is it?” Louis asks.

“Nothing, just. It’s so hot in here, wanna get rid of this thing,” he points to his neck.

“Yeah, course, we can.” Louis abruptly stops dancing, spins around but doesn’t let go of Niall’s hand, and pulls him along. They make their way through the waltzing couples around them, as though they have to find their way through a maze, until they get back to Niall’s table.

Niall flops down in his seat as soon as Louis lets go of his hand. Starts untying the knot of his tie, but his hands are too shaky to do it so he ends up just tugging at it impatiently, with no real intent. Feeling inadequate and small, he starts to sweat even more and suddenly breathing gets a whole lot more difficult for him. His vision starts to blur at the edges when Louis’ hand slaps his away, taking care of the knot. He undoes it swiftly, opening the first few buttons of Niall’s shirt and tells Niall to breathe.

He does as he’s told, always does what Louis wants him to do, really, has never been able to deny Louis anything.

“You okay?” asks Louis. The worry is painted all over his face, brows furrowed and eyes searching.

“I am,” Niall gulps. Takes in another steadying breath. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

Louis’ hand still hovers awkwardly in the air between them. Niall’s gaze flicks down to it, flicks back up to Louis’ face, tries to make a connection where nothing is.

“Thanks,” he adds as an afterthought, almost, takes off the loose tie and hangs it over the back of the chair.

“Grew some serious chest rug right there,” Louis says, reaching out to casually slide his fingers through where the fine blonde hairs of Niall’s chest are peeking through the open top buttons of his shirt. It’s casual, because that is a thing, right? Friends touching each other’s chest hair?

“Quite impressive, innit?”

Louis clears his throat. Niall thinks the tops of Louis’ ears turn pink, but maybe it’s just what he wants to see.

“Not really. You’re just getting old.” A smile tugs at the corner of Louis’ lips. “Didn’t realise it’d been that long since we’ve seen each other, I suppose.”

“Right. Well, I don’t need to impress you, so.” Niall shrugs.

“No, you don’t.” Louis just stares at him, and Niall stares right back, holds his gaze because if this is one of Louis’ competitions, he can play along. If he didn’t know better, he’d think he can read something in Louis’ eyes, something in the way he looks at him so intensely, so unlike he’s ever done before except maybe that one time in the rain. It only makes Niall hyper aware of himself, of the way Louis takes him in, like he’s an open book for him to read.

Louis’ eyes flit down to his chest again and his hand is quicker than Niall can really fathom. Before he can come up to defend himself, Louis is already plucking one of his chest hairs out.

He yelps at the sharp pain. “Ow, what’d you do that for?”

Smug look on his face, Louis simply shrugs, looks at Niall for just a beat or two. “Come on, I need a smoke. Let’s get out.”

And before Niall can really argue, he’s standing up and following Louis’ lead.

 

~

 

The early evening sun is setting low, hitting Niall right in the eyes when they step outside. He curses not bringing his sunglasses. Louis walks up a little path along the side of the hotel, looks for a spot in the shade. A slight breeze is hitting Niall’s chest, and it’s refreshing, but it also makes him very aware of the fact that his shirt is still halfway unbuttoned. He looks down at himself, and the thought of Louis liking the sight of this makes his skin tingle, fingers going a little numb with it.

They stop under a tree, standing a bit to the side. If anyone was to come out, they wouldn’t be able to spot them right away, hidden by the giant tree trunk. Niall looks around and they’re standing in the middle of a huge backyard, meadow as far as the eye can see, lots of bushes and flowers and trees around them. It’s an open space and yet it feels private standing here with Louis, a bit secluded from the hotel.

The clink and rasping noise of a lighter fills the air, followed by a heavy inhale.

When Niall turns around, Louis nods at him, “Wanna share?” The smoke leaves his mouth smoothly, and Niall watches it dissipate in the air. Clears his throat.

“Haven’t smoked in a while.” He shuffles a little, kicking pebbles before he steps closer. “I could use it, though.”

Louis hands him the cigarette, their fingers brushing lightly. Niall keeps a straight face, but his heart is thudding at the thought of Louis’ lips on the cigarette when he takes a drag.

“Bad habit,” Louis shrugs. “Almost managed to quit it. Can’t help it though when I’ve had a drink, you know.”

“Oh, me too.” Niall keeps one hand buried in his pockets because he doesn’t know where else to put it. A nervous habit. But being alone with Louis and the quiet around them does that to him. It’s ridiculous.

He passes the cigarette back. “So how’s living the dream? Still everything you wanted?”

“Yeah, playing football for money is like, the best thing that could have happened to me. Fucking love it. Happily gave up smoking for that.” Louis takes a heavy pull on the cigarette then, winking at Niall.

They both laugh.

It’s not that they lost touch or fell out, far from it, but the last two years were so busy for both of them that they could never coordinate their schedules and meet up. Even at christmas, Niall hadn’t managed to see Louis when he came home to Doncaster. The thing is, after school, Louis had been lucky enough to be recruited to play for a club. Louis barely had time to say goodbye and pack up his bags and leave for London. He left two summers ago, and Niall hasn’t seen him in person since. Save for their rare Skype sessions, it was down to texting and emailing, sometimes even talking on the phone. Talking on the phone was saved for rare occasions like birthdays or one drunk-dialling the other. Niall wonders if that even counts.

“I’m happy you’re happy,” Niall says.

Louis smiles and nods. “Do you still play sometimes?”

“Not really. Just for fun, but. I haven’t had the chance to play in a while, so.”

“Right,” Louis says. “Good to know. I just miss it sometimes, you know. You, me, on the field.”

“Me too.”

“Not just that, though. Like, I just miss hanging out with you.”

This conversation has just taken a more serious turn that Niall had expected. It’s good though, to hear Louis say it, to be reassured he’s not the only one missing what they used to have.

“Miss you too, buddy,” Niall says, keeping his voice light.

He watches Louis. The way the smoke leaves his mouth, the way his lips wrap around the cigarette, and all Niall wants to do is leap over and grab him by the collar of his shirt and kiss him stupid. Drag his teeth over Louis’ lower lip and bite him gently, tease out some sort of reaction.

“Remember the last time we were here, at Greg’s wedding? When I was trying to shove that cake in your face?” Louis tears him out of his thoughts. Takes another drag and blows the smoke to the side, never breaking eye contact with Niall.

“Emphasis on _trying_ ,” Niall laughs.

“Good times, though.” Louis takes one last drag and puts the cigarette out. “So did you find a new flatmate yet? Or are you still living with that annoying one?”

“Oh my god, I haven’t told you yet? No, he’s gone, finally. Moved out a couple weeks ago. No more complaining when I bring people over.”

“Awesome. Now you and, what was his name, can get it on again, huh?” Louis waggles his eyebrows at Niall.

“Fuck off. And we’re not seeing each other anymore, so there’s nobody to get it on with, anyway.”

“Yeah, what happened?”

“Nothing,” Niall shrugs. “Just didn’t like him enough to keep it up.”

“Right. Meet anyone new yet? Someone you like enough?”

Louis’ standing so close that Niall catches a whiff of his cologne. “Didn’t meet anyone. Well, there’s someone, but.” _It’s you._ “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. So there is someone you fancy?” asks Louis. Why does he keep digging? Maybe Niall is too obvious in his pining for Louis from afar, and not as subtle as he thought he was.

“Maybe.”

“Okay. Who is it? Do I know him?”

And really, Niall isn’t sure if Louis is playing a game here or if he actually doesn’t know.

“Maybe.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Do I know him or not?”

“Doesn’t matter, because he doesn’t like me back that way, okay.” Niall shrugs.

“Hard to believe. You’re a catch. Who _wouldn’t_ be into you?”

Niall blinks. _You. You’re not into me, and that is the whole fucking problem._ Louis doesn’t make any sense.

He laughs nervously. “Right, I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

Louis takes a step forward so they’re standing face to face. “I haven’t, but champagne always makes me horny.”

A shiver runs through Niall, because _what_? He doesn’t know what’s happening but Louis seems to pin him down with an intense and provocative look because he can’t move. Niall should probably take a step back, but finds himself leaning closer.

“Too much information,” Niall mumbles.

“Please, you know way more about me than anyone else,” Louis whispers back.

Niall whips around, stumbling back a little. He ends up leaning against the tree.

“More than I’d like to know,” Niall teases.

“Well then,” Louis steps closer again. “Tell me more about that guy you fancy.” His eyes flick down to Niall’s lips, but it’s so quick Niall thinks he might be imagining it. It doesn’t stop his belly from swooping.

“He’s about my age, little older. He’s athletic. Smart. Funny.”

“Oh yeah? Sounds an awful lot like me, this lad.”

If Niall could, he would wipe the smug smile off of Louis’ face. He huffs out a nervous laugh though, not sure what to say in response.

“What’s he look like, then? He taller than me?”

Niall’s skin is prickling with excitement and nerves, like he’s playing with fire. Thinks it’s now or never, might as well give Louis a couple of hints, he might figure it out on his own.

“Same size, actually.”

“Interesting, okay. How athletic is he, does he have like, proper muscles and all?”

“More like, sporty-athletic. Into team sports.” Niall’s trying to read Louis’ expression, but it’s impossible.

“Where’d you meet him?”

Niall sighs and rubs his clammy palm on his trousers. He doesn’t think Louis gets it, but he won’t let up either. There’s no way he’s going to lie to him, though so he’s struggling for something to say.

“Just a long time ago. I don’t know.”

Louis just keeps looking at him, moving closer. He’s basically got Niall crowded up against the tree, both hands placed on the trunk next to Niall’s head. It’s unnerving, making it very difficult for Niall to keep his breathing steady. Louis’ breath is on his face, that’s how close they are.

“What’s so special about him?”

“Dunno,” Niall shrugs. “Why’d you wanna know anyway?”

“What, I can’t ask? Why won’t you tell me, is it _me_?”

“You wish.” _That’s it_ , Niall thinks, _he knows_. No point in denying any of it. He opens his mouth to say something else — anything to fill the silence — when Louis licks his lips and one of his hands come up at Niall’s neck, thumb gently stroking his cheek.

“So, that guy you like,” Louis breathes, “would he kiss you like this?”

And then he leans in and closes the distance between them, swallows the small moan Niall lets out when their lips brush.

This time he didn’t expect it, didn’t stand on his tip toes with his eyes closed, ready to be kissed, but he melts into it. His hands fly out of his pockets on their own accord, grabbing a fistful of Louis’ button-down shirt and pull him closer.

The way Louis kisses him isn’t at all like Niall imagined it— it’s urgent, edging on desperate, like he has something to prove. His tongue is quick and hot, running along Niall’s upper lip before it meets the tip of his own tongue. It’s smooth and Niall flicks his tongue to create some friction and yes, that’s it, it’s what he’s always wanted and more. He squeezes his eyes shut so tightly that he starts seeing stars. Louis’ other hand comes up at the back of Niall’s head, meanders its way into his hair and stays there, buried. Keeps holding onto it like a lifeline.

Niall pulls back only to adjust the angle, but when his mouth disconnects with Louis’, he _whines_. It’s the hottest sound Niall has ever heard in his life, and he just wants to make Louis do it again so he kisses him with everything he’s got. He lets go of Louis’ shirt and wraps his arms around so his hands are resting on his lower back, pulls him even closer. Louis responds by sucking on Niall’s tongue, and his hand that was resting on his neck slides down to his chest. He tugs at the collar of Niall’s shirt, rubs his hand on the chest hair.

Louis keeps kissing him like the world is going to end and Niall can’t think anymore when one of his legs slides between Niall’s and Louis presses hard against his hip. He gasps into the space between their mouths when Louis pulls back to put open mouthed kisses all over Niall’s jaw and neck. And then, there’s a loud yell.

More screaming and laughing filter through to him then, and Niall recovers, wakes up from this daze of soft, hot mouth and clever hands. Can hear the girls yell at each other and it hits him like a brick wall. If someone came running in their direction, they would see Niall pinned against the tree by Louis, his bitten mouth, pink and wet, panting.

He jerks away only to hit his head on the tree. “Fuck. Louis,” he says against his lips as he’s trying to push Louis away.

“Yeah,” he breathes, still chasing Niall’s mouth.

“Stop it.” He’s too overwhelmed and tired to raise his voice. Nobody needs to hear him, anyway. With gentle, but steadier hands he pushes Louis away, stumbles to the side so he’s not pinned between Louis and the tree anymore. “What’s— what are we even doing? This is wrong.” He takes another deliberate step back to emphasize.

Niall’s head is pounding, all of a sudden and if he could, he would make a run for the hills, only there are no hills and he can’t just leave his mum’s best friend’s wedding. He paces around the tree, trying not to look at Louis who’s still standing too close.

“It’s not wrong, Niall. I meant to tell—”

“Not wrong? You have a boyfriend. No, I can’t. I can’t do this.” He keeps his head low, looking at the ground when he walks away with shaky legs.

He can hear Louis calling after him, but he doesn’t follow him and Niall just needs to get away.

 

~

 

Niall doesn’t know where to go, so he _mingles_. His first instinct was to leave, to run away from everything, from Louis, but he cares too much about Louis’ family to just leave without saying goodbye. It wouldn’t be fair; he’s not going to be the one to ruin their day, no matter what happened between Louis and him.

So he immerses himself with the crowd, toasts to the newlyweds with some of Louis’ family, catches up with people he doesn’t get to see often anymore.

When it gets too much, he retreats to the toilets, splashes cold water over his face until he doesn’t feel the shame anymore.

He’s so angry at Louis, but worse than that, he’s angry at himself. No matter how little Louis decides to give him, he will always take as much as he can get. He’s angry that he slipped and lost control of himself for a moment, forgot about Liam and that he is not, and won’t ever be what Louis wants. Angry that he allowed himself to let go, to pretend he could have this, even if it was just for a moment.

When he leaves the bathroom, he steps outside again, walking through the grounds, hoping to clear his head.

 

~

 

Niall toys with the phone in his hand, no real intention of using it. Wouldn’t know who to text or call, anyway. There’s nobody he ever confided in about him stupidly pining after his childhood best friend. He sits on the grass, at what he deems a safe distance from the venue. An hour or so ago, the sun had set, and he watched the world around him go dark in soft shades of orange, then pink then purple, blue and grey until it was completely dark and he spotted a half-moon behind a gathering of clouds.

His back hits the ground softly when he leans back to lie in the grass, holding up his phone to snap a picture. Niall tries several times, sound of the camera shutter the only thing he notices, but the moon doesn’t want to be captured.

“There you are.”

Niall jumps at that, causing the phone to drop onto his chest. He grabs it and slides it into the pocket of his slacks. “Can you stop sneaking up on me? Fuck, second time today.”

“Didn’t exactly sneak up on you. How ‘bout you stop being so jumpy today?”

Louis plops down to his right side, sitting cross-legged and facing towards Niall.

“I’m not.”

Louis starts picking the grass in front of him, and Niall wonders if it’s a nervous habit or just out of pure boredom.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Niall asks and turns his gaze back up to the sky, determined to make out some constellations, although there aren’t a lot of stars to see. It’s easier than looking at Louis, and he’d rather not see his face when he tells Niall that this can’t happen again. That kissing him was a mistake. What he doesn’t expect is what Louis says.

“Just spending time with my best friend.”

A heap of grass blades land on Niall’s chest, and it flips a switch somewhere inside him, anger and annoyance curling hot in his belly when he sits up too quickly.

“Really?” Swatting away the grass blades, he says, “Very mature of you, Louis.”

Louis just laughs. Niall’s heart is thudding in his chest and his hands clench into fists at his sides.

“Stop laughing! Fuck, stop making fun of me, if you’re not even gonna talk about it.”

“Not laughing at you, stupid. Just— talk about what?”

Niall lets out an exasperated sigh. “Oh, don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Oh, you really want me to say this out loud, don’t you? Want me to spell it out for you?” Of course that’s what Louis wants, he’d always gotten a thrill out of embarrassing Niall.

Holding up his hands, he looks at Niall in genuine confusion. “I don’t even know why you’d think I was making fun of you. Why are you so angry?”

“Because you don’t get to kiss me and then act like it never happened!”

Louis’ face falls. “Oh.”

“Oh. _Oh._ That’s all you have to say?” His voice is shaky and it makes him so much more angry because Louis can hear it too, can probably put two and two together now. Knows how pathetic his crush on Louis is.

“I mean, I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to— I mean, I did, but. I thought you wanted it too, but then, I don’t know. Should have known you don’t want me like that. I just. I’m sorry.”

Niall’s gaping. Louis’ words are like a foreign language he can’t make any sense of.

“What do you mean I don’t— You should be sorry cause you have a boyfriend.”

“No, I don’t. Not anymore, anyway. I was gonna tell you, but you ran off.” Louis’ shoulders slump and his voice is small, much quieter than Niall expected.

“What?”

“Liam and I broke up a few weeks ago, and I didn’t tell anyone yet because it’s not a big deal. We both decided it was for the best, we never had any time for each other anyway. And like, we’re still friends. We just didn’t work out, you know. I wasn’t in love with him like I should’ve been?”

“Why’d you lead me on, then? If you’ve been broken up for weeks, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I meant to tell you, but I wanted to do it in person. And I knew we were gonna see each other today, but it wasn’t exactly the first thing on my mind when I saw you today, yeah? And then we danced and we were having a good time and I just. I didn’t want to ruin it, you know.”

“Could have told me before you fucking kissed me.”

“Well, you told me about your crush on someone else so I didn’t even know if you wanted to kiss me? It just happened, I’m sorry.”

“God, Louis, you’re so frustrating sometimes. You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

“That I was talking about you this whole time, eejit!” Niall’s shoulders are tense, his hands in his lap now, fingers picking at his nail beds.

“What?” Louis asks, and Niall hadn’t realised how close they were before he sat up.

His face is too hot, and something in his chest tightens. “It’s you, always has been. Never thought you’d feel the same way. Well, this one time maybe, but. It was nothing, and after that I just told myself we’d only ever be friends.”

“Are you shitting me? Is this a joke? Because if this is a joke—”

“It’s not! What, you don’t believe me?”

It’s as if Louis is waiting for Niall to go on, his face twisted up in confusion.

“Alright. Remember when we got caught in the rain that one time after practice? When we were standing in that doorway, I thought. I thought you were going to kiss me, but you didn’t. And then I felt stupid, because I wanted this so much that I thought for a while you’d want it to.” Niall’s gaze turns back to his hands.

“Oh, you gotta be shitting me,” Louis mutters softly.

“Wish I was.”

Louis’ hands find his, stop the fidgeting. “But what if I did?”

Niall looks up from his lap, heart leaping up to his throat. “Did you?”

“Fuck, I should’ve. Was too much of a chicken to go through with it.”

“You’re _such_ an idiot!” Niall says before he pulls Louis in by his hands and brings their mouths together in a kiss.

It’s just as good as their first kiss, but this time the sensation is different. Niall knows Louis means it when he runs his tongue along his lips, when he sighs into his mouth and it makes all the difference. Louis’ kisses are soft and careful and gentle, and Niall wants more, more closeness, more of Louis. He braces his hands on Louis’ shoulders and props himself up on his knees.

“We could have been doing this the whole time, I’m so mad at you,” Niall whispers between kisses, crawls over into Louis’ lap.

“Well, I’m mad _about_ you, so,” Louis says, “I win.”

Niall pushes him to the ground, and they end up in a heap of tangled limbs and smacking lips. Niall loses track of time, but it feels like they’ve been kissing for hours, rolling around in the grass when they finally pull apart and lie next to each other.

Louis takes his hand and intertwines them. When Niall looks over at him, he smiles so huge and bright, he thinks it’s probably not that different from looking in a mirror.

“I thought I was being so obvious when I asked you about that guy, earlier, you know.” Louis says quietly. “Can’t believe you didn’t realise.”

“You’re one to talk. You didn’t realise I was talking about _you_ , so.”

Louis laughs. “True.” He looks up at the sky and Niall follows suit. “We totally kissed under the stars, Niall. So romantic.”

“Want me to point out some constellations for you and tell you something about it?”

“God, my boyfriend’s such a nerd.”

Niall’s heart stumbles on the word. He looks at Louis, “Boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend.” Louis squeezes his hand.


End file.
